2025-05-13
What do you expect from your therapist? If you’re anything like me, it’s something like this:
Ask such a good question about what I’ve been saying for the past 50 minutes that it leaves me stunned. Either I genuinely don’t know the answer, or I do but struggle to say it out loud.
Listen so deeply, understand so precisely that one bullseye question opens a window I never knew existed. And because of that question alone, the session stays with me.
It’s not all that different when it comes to relationships. We want to be seen, heard, understood.
But for some reason, we don’t really try to understand.
The other person keeps talking and talking, and we’re just waiting for our turn to speak. After all, we’ve also been through a very similar experience, and now that it’s relevant, we can’t not talk about it, right? Or can we?
Have you considered how that very similar experience of yours actually helps the person in front of you? Or did you already decide what you were going to say the moment the topic came up, and stop listening entirely?
To ask those questions that stay with people, you need to understand them first.
Let it go, don’t talk about yourself. Let the moment pass, and keep listening.
The more you listen, the more dots will appear to connect. The more dots you connect, the better your questions will be. The better your questions, the more lasting the impact you’ll leave.
When you consistently ask good questions, people will start to notice and say it. They’ll remember how they felt talking to you, and how you elevated their experience.
And the satisfaction you get from that will be far deeper than simply talking about yourself.